I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
