Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
