hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
