his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
