apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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