im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
