protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
