Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
