Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Im part way to drunk.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
