I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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