Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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