Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
