Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
