Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
