Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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