I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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