grandma shit on top of the toilet
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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