That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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