I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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