Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
