I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
