I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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