The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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