I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
