Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
