I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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