508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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