i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
