guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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