Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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