I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
