mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
