Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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