I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my being single is dangerous.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
