boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
