I love black thongs
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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