i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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