The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
