Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
