I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
