The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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