Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
