so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
