hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
