I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize
