So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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