If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
