So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
where does the pee come out of this thing
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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