He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
