i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
