i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
