remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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