Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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