That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
