I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sorry my hands just texted you
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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