im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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