get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My vagina just clenched in fear
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