those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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