i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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