they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
