it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
