she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I could make wine with my vomit
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
