I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize