i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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