FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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