that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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