TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
