he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
