I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
