Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
