distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
