You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize