you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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