Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
