I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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