I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
