and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
