My cat gives me a boner
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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