the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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