Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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