Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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