Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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