My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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