I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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