ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
