guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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