Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
