I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
