Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
