I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
