OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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