I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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