I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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