im six kinds of drunk right now
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
