I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize