He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
