very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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