drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
