I can tuck mytits in my pants
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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