yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
