she smelled like a LAN party
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
