then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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