I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
