She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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