Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
