Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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