I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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