Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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