I just pynch a tree in the face
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
